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Not really
Aug 28th, 2010 by niceyfemme

Last Monday I spent the whole day watching videos about the history of the new company. From the biography of the owner, to how he first acquired the first property and all. Even the organizational chart has been tackled. Somehow I felt uninterested. Maybe I knew from then on that I don’t belong there.

The place just doesn’t have the luxury feel into it even when that is main goal of the place. The luxury feel of hotels I love is just not there. Don’t get me wrong. Everything in that place is top of the line luxurious, nothing less than that. Even the videos from the really nice projector is the best I’ve seen, real crisp videos, probably that thing is on the top of projector reviews. It’s like a giant sized television, those flat screen lcd tv’s, or those nice home theater systems, the high end ones. Gut feel I must say.

I guess it’s just not meant to be. It is what it is. I can’t deny my feelings. I hate pretentiousness. I just can’t stand it.

Hard times
Aug 27th, 2010 by niceyfemme

This week has been like a nightmare to me. Scared for our dear lives and disappointing turn of events.

Last Sunday, we had to move from one place to another which turned out to be a flat from hell. The experience is like from those horror/thriller/slasher movies.

Imagine a poorly lighted creepy house filled with antiques and rubbish. Smelled weird too. When we moved in we discovered that a wall is not concrete, a 6×4 feet open space has been covered with school paper and the owner used two cabinets to cover it up. What’s bad is that the owner is just sleeping outside the room. What’s even more scary is the hole in the paper where the owners fist went through to reach for the door knob and go in out room anytime. He also had a weird vibe in him. He kept on saying my name with every sentence he says and it seemed like he’s only interested in talking to me and not the same with Bee.

Then came the time when we needed to use the toilet and we were shocked to discover that the toilet bowl doesn’t flush, the lavatory was clogged and the toilet seemed like it’s not been used for a long time. So many things we discovered that night and I knew I can’t stay there a day longer.  I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I was crying. And Bee wasn’t able to sleep either and just kept on guarding.

The next day right straight from work, Bee and I took all out stuff from that place and planned to move somewhere else who backed out last minute. We got in touch with the agent but he wan’t able to help us find a new place in such a short time that’s why we ended up having nowhere to go. It was already 10:30 p.m and Bee was still calling his friends and colleagues for a temporary place to stay in while I keep on searching online for a new place to rent. I was exhausted from the last days move and lack of sleep and the whole day’s work while we were already hungry and have really bad headache. Add in the rain that made moving and carrying all our clothes and stuff even harder. I was close to breaking down. Last minute we were able to find a place.

Next day we had to work and disappointing things started to unravel in front of my eyes. Things I didn’t sign up for I had to do. Just the hardest things. I realized it’s not my fault that I can’t handle those things. I am a woman who has physical limitations. But if I walk away, I will be disappointing the people closest to my heart, same with myself, I will be disappointing myself too. I have worked hard for this thing for half a year and in just two days it was gone. There’s nothing I can do. My health should be my priority.

I was so down, I was at my lowest point this year. Now I have made a decision and I am scared and very sad. The truth is I just want to lay down in bed with my electric blanket and never leave, I was that scared.  But I have to move on no matter how hard it is. That’s how life is.

I just have to look at the only good thing from this experience. I realized that a Mother’s love and understanding is infinite. I love you Mommy and thank you for never stopping to love and support me. Same with Bee. Now I am truly sure that you are the one for me. I don’t think anyone else can give me the understanding, patience and support you showed me these past days.  Thank you to Mommy and Bee for not giving up on me and Daddy too. I breathe and live because of all of you.

Crazy things I did before
May 15th, 2010 by niceyfemme

Another series I intend to write about. I want to write down in here as much as I can so maybe when I’m waaayyy older I can read this again and re-live them memories.

OK so this is a crazy thing I did for someone special to me. I really wanted to impress that person, this was around 8 to 9 years ago. That person teased me about being fat that triggered me to try taking extra notches of ways to lose weight. I tried taking in a new product in the market then, it is Orlistat, like Alli, and it made my poop oily. As in I see orange grease coming out.

Being the “chicken” that I am, I stopped using that after a month being it was just too expensive for me since I use my school allowance to buy things I wanted.

Oh things people are willing to do just to impress hehehe……..

Fountain of Youth
May 6th, 2010 by niceyfemme

In times when I have a lot of opportunity to think, I end up thinking about things that scare me. Like for example, I realized I’m scared of dying. Getting old gives me a feeling of worry. Time really flies so fast I remember when I was 14 years old like it was yesterday. I remember being 16 and now I’m 25. Years had past, I am getting old but my mind feels the same; I just see things differently now but I know I am still my Mother and Father’s daughter like then.

I wonder when will be the time when science gets to discover or invent a drug that keeps you young forever. I want that. I know about the closest thing in this age is the HGH Supplements (Human Growth Hormones). This helps in growth and cell reproduction. Science is great and with all the things it has done what else it is able do in the near future. I know for sure that I’ll do anything to keep my parents healthy. That is one of things I asks God every night and He might already find me annoying but it is that important to me I can’t sleep without talking to Him.

I wish the time will come when all questions can be answered.

A bit more open
May 6th, 2010 by niceyfemme

I realized that I should be a little more open with my life here. This is my cyber home so I should share a bit of my life here, not like I didn’t before but here could use some more. See it is not an easy thing for me to do as past experiences taught me to build walls with people. Only few managed to break through that wall and those few I cherish. Now that I want more, I’m willing to open up.

I kept on mentioning here that I used to be so fat when I was 13 to 15 years old. I rarely or never really show those photos to friends, not really very proud of it in fact I am embarrassed I can’t even look at it myself. My classmates used to teach me about how I looked back then and even called me names of celebrities they say I look alike. Back then they called me Juday or Esperanza because Judy Ann Santos and I used to look alike when we were both a little heavier. Teasing really hurt and it never really do anyone good especially to a fat teenager with a very unstable self esteem.

I want to show some photos of my fat self but I need a scanning software to do so. I have some and even I cannot believe that used to be me. I want to buy a 3 in 1 printer that also scans but I’m a bit confused which one to buy. It can get pretty confusing with all that’s available in the market.

Where I live now is far more relaxed. I found some fun and mature friends here. So it wasn’t me who’s at fault for what has happened in the past. Good thing I didn’t put the blame on myself as I know myself. I was just unlucky with the people I met. Now it seems like I’m getting luckier with friends. I love a good laugh in the morning I realized.

P.S. I miss you Daddy and Mommy! (Bee and Bambi din….)

One of those days (or weeks)
May 5th, 2010 by niceyfemme

That is not really easy for me. Things could be a lot better, way lot better and I’m really trying to be positive and think that all these shall pass and I hope really really soon.

I’ve been super stressed, extra extra stressed than the previous months. Say 4 times the regular dosage of stress I’m used to. So I started losing weight unconsciously. And the weight loss is not just in my head as I confirmed it using two weighing scales so it’s true. I had to look for a new place, actually a temporary one as we have to move the moment Bee comes back. There is evil on Earth I believe and sometimes they are in the form of bad people. Wow. They could really get through the nerves. You just have to compose yourself and not stoop down to their level. If you know they are too irrational then it’s better to just not talk to them, not entertain their being evil. What I do is just stay way from them. Not easy but I did it.

By the way, finding accommodation in Singapore is so not easy especially if you do not want to get some help from agents. Here, almost everyone gets some help from agents while I prefer to just find one myself. I mean, why pay one to two months worth of rent if I can find one myself? Yes it is not easy as a matter of fact I was close to being crazy from all searching the net. Money really can make our lives easier. I want a lot of money.

It is really lonely here without Mommy, Bambi and Bee. I hate it. I want to go home but not in a bad circumstance. I hope all these will be over soon. 🙁

Some Pinoy men are so……
Apr 23rd, 2010 by niceyfemme

Malibog. Or immature. I can’t really find the perfect words as I’m really mad now! I’m not saying all Pinoy men are guilty by the way.
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Why am I so irritated? I feel harassed by them. Here’s why.

It’s summertime here in the Philippines, and it’s understandable that it’s sooo hot! We went to SM to do our grocery shopping and I wore a black sleeveless tank top and jeans. As I was waiting for Bee to get the car (we were parked so far from the exit of the supermarket and we bought a lot of stuff, I decided to just wait for him there) a group of people passed by me. Then two of them upon crossing infront of me suddenly said, “Ang sarap!” and “Wow!” Then they all looked at me. You know when they are talking to you right? You feel it. I felt offended to I said, “You guys are so stupid!”

Also, some old men upon passing in front of me will really stare in my chest area, only because I’m wearing a sleeveless tank top. They won’t even try to hide that they are looking at me like that how freaking rude is that.
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I don’t deserve this. Why are Filipino men like this? Testosterone overload? I don’t dress provocatively. This is actually the reason why I’m so careful wearing anything other than T-shirt and jeans whenever I’m in here.They really look and even stare. In Singapore men are not like that even when girls show way too much skin.

Why is this the case? I mean really? I never dress sexy because I don’t like it when people look at me, more so be the center of unwanted sexual attention.

To those men, please know when a woman is the type you can just do “that” thing you do I so hate. I’m not that type. If a woman show skin, you can look because it means she’s either asking for it or she’s enjoying the attention. If the woman looks decent and IS DECENT, then control your freaking selves! Is this something you do to compensate for insecurity?  Do you need anything like Vigrx to know and feel like the you are a real man? If you think you need that then go ahead but KEEP ME OUT OF YOUR GESTURES. CONTROL YOUR FREAKING SELVES!

I knew it
Feb 5th, 2010 by niceyfemme

So I received a call from J a couple hours ago…..

See? I told her this will happen and I have warned her over this but the stubborn woman that she is she went through with it and now less than a week since my fight with Kingkong, I’ve been proven right once again!

I was sooo tempted to tell her “I told you so!” but I stopped myself. It’s not what she needs right now. But it could have felt sooo good to say it out loud. 🙂 Vindication at it’s best form.

Oopppsss! I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Blah! Whatever.

I realized that life is what we make of it. We can choose to live our lives with less drama, simpler and more interesting. Kinda contradicting but works for me when you analyze it well.

This is my goal in my life. Make my life simpler and less complicated. Keep the few good people who genuinely love me close. I believe this will equal to happiness and contentment. And that for me is the primary goal of every single person on Earth. Most people just get distracted with other stuff. We must focus then.

But.

Easier said than done.

A work in progress. Harhar. Blank.

Totality of everything I hate in a MAN: Part I
Feb 2nd, 2010 by niceyfemme

Warning: Niceyfemme’s rant coming over! (If you’re sensitive to these kind of things then better not read what’s ahead.)

I have met him. I knew it before but now I’m sure even more. I won’t mention his name to protect someone close to my heart (Whom we will call J) who happens to be married to him.

How did I come up to this belief? Well he showed me and showed me angrily like King Kong running in the wild.

A REAL man for me is one who is responsible. Knows how to take care of his family. One who places his self last over his wife and kids.

Respectful. Of his wife, mother and his in-laws, women and any living thing.

Industrious. Part of his being responsible is he should know that he needs to work to bring food to the table and NOT rely on his mother to do the work for him. A real man is one who have goals and plans for their future. He only wants what’s best for his kid and will do anything to make that happen and not wait for inheritance to just fall in his fat face.

Gentleman. One who knows how to respect women in general. We Filipinos know that a guy who attacks a woman is GAY. Specially if you are at the wrong. Where’s your freaking balls????? All covered up in fat that there seem none left?

Many more qualities but I’d rather keep this short. After this I want to move on and go back to my serene life.

To you KingKong:

You are a disgrace to Filipino men. You are the total opposite of how I believe Filipino men are. You are an irresponsible rude full-of-air bastard who looks down on people. You do things without thinking what the outcome will be.

You cannot impose the things you like in people. YOU CANNOT ALWAYS HAVE THINGS YOUR WAY. If you’re used to that in your family’s house then forever stay there and you shall forever reign. I AM NOT SOMEONE TO VOW To YOU. SPECIALLY BECAUSE I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND AS I TOLD YOU I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU. To think that we have met only a few times and you managed to show me your real colors.

Sleep matters…….
Nov 24th, 2009 by niceyfemme

I feel like a zombie right now….. OK, it’s not an emo post hehehhe…

I just didn’t sleep well last night. My sleep is different from other people’s. How to explain this? Hmmmm….

I need my sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unlike other people whose sleep just happen naturally, mine is so complicated. Mine has to have effort into it….

Most people, like my Mom, from the moment she lays down in bed, few seconds or minutes and she’s sound asleep, while I have to wait for like 15-30 minutes…

Then the next morning, like this morning, I woke up feeling so tired. Kind of weird right because you’re suppose to feel rested after sleeping. I suffered from this for like two or so years now. Once I woke up feeling tired, it’s just so hard to do anything, so hard to work, hard to focus, my eyes hurt, my back hurts.

Sleeping_Papa_Smurf

This is the reason why sleep is very important to me. Reason why I put in a lot of effort in preparation for sleeping.

I’m conscious not to take even a hint of caffeine, as that would make me have wide open eyes through the night. (The last time, I made Mocha-Chocolate Cupcakes, had one for dessert, I forgot there’s coffee in it, I didn’t sleep even a minute.)

My pillows should be the right tenderness(?). Blanket has to be real smooth or my legs will feel itchy. My bed and mattress, I have to switch from one that’s thick and one that’s thin, to prevent my back from hurting and even worse not being able to sleep at all.

I need silence. No sound at all the better. And black-out curtains. Sound proof windows. I miss my room in Singapore. They have all that, that’s why I sleep very well there. And no tricycle sound.

tao_sleeping

Opposite of myself. hehehe….

When I was still working in hotels, that was something. See we have midnight shifts. Sometimes, it last a week. I prefer that than a three-four day shift. Not enough time for my biological clock to adjust. It’s so hard when from a midnight shift (2230H-0800H) you have to work PM shift (1330H-2300H). That’s why during those times, I didn’t have a life outside work. I have to have enough sleep for me to perform properly. I can’t do what my colleagues then was doing, go out for a night of partying, usually until 0500H, then head to work at 0700H with no sleep at all. I can’t last a nine and a half work day with no sleep, I’d feel like my head is floating.

If I experience continuous sleep deprivation, I’d feel down and sad, will feel like I’m gaining weight like crazy.

Luckily, a few months ago, when I wanted to donate blood in a blood drive, they checked my blood and found out I was near anemic, so they prescribed some ferrous sulfate. Wow! That was the nicest sleep I had in years! I was so happy hehehhe…..

If it’s my choice, I’d prefer to be the type whom you could throw in anywhere, and after a few seconds will be snoring happy. Like this baby.

sleeping-beauty

I wouldn’t wish this for our neighbor’s nosy maid, it’s just so hard.

Is it too much to ask for a good night sleep?

I believe it’s basic human’s right.

P.S. Pardon me, I have to sleep now, yes at 1210H, my body is begging me to.

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