Wahhhh! I guess this is the right word to describe how I was and still am feeling these past weeks… I am always hungry! A different kind of hunger I have never felt before. The kind of hunger that scares me as it is painful and it needs to be dealt with ASAP.
Only able to smile a bit after I felt relief from drinking Milo. Wahhh!
Yeah, I am always hungry, but I have a problem; I can’t eat. I feel like vomiting whenever I put food in my mouth. It’s like JBL Subwoofers are banging in throat! So yeah that’s my predicament these past weeks. I’m always hungry as in like every hour but I can’t stomach food. I feel like crying like a baby whenever I feel the hunger coming up and when I’m forcing myself to eat. Ok, to be honest, I’ve cried more than a couple of times already. Out of frustration and hunger. One was gentle crying the other with shoulders rocking.
I don’t recognize myself anymore. I used to LOVE food. Just the thought of food used to excite me. Just looking at food photos made me salivate and when I finally get my hand on that food, 100% of the time I had to stop myself from eating way too much, more than my tummy can handle. Now just the thought of food makes me want to cry. I feel like I’m fighting a battle whenever I’m eating. I also have to drink ice cold drinks to help with the nausea.
Another thing is I can’t cook anymore. I used to love cooking. I took my time sauteing the garlic, onions etc until they sweat fully but now I can’t even stomach just the smell of it. Now my poor husband has to do the cooking that is after his day of work. I feel guilty. Like my mother, one of the ways I show my love is by cooking for them. Now I can’t do that. I truly hope he understands. So far I think he does.
Oh and I have another confession. I used to snob junk food, specially instant noodles. Now they are my life saver. Boiling hot Nissin Seafood noodles cured my mad hunger. I can’t eat healthy home cooked meals. I’m scared to eat just any food before I research if it’s safe or not. I don’t know. I’m desperate. Now I understand just how it feels to starve so bad.
Oh and I lost a lot of weight already. Ahhhhhh! I can’t wait until this phase is over!!!