I’ve always wanted to become pregnant and be a mommy. Since I know that I need to do these kind of things in the perfect time and with the right person, I put a full stop on this dream for years. Fortunately, I reached a point in my life when I am in that place and everything is right for that dream to happen already. I am now married to a wonderful and funny man, and I felt ready for motherhood since last year even before we got married. I am one who do things when it feels right. He asked me to marry him year 2008 but I did not feel like myself is ready for marriage then more so having a baby.
After getting married baby is next but it seemed to be more difficult for me, that’s what my Reproductive Endocrinologist told me. Still it is possible, we just need some help. So I took medications. Wow, it was not easy on me. Those medications made me feel down and low and even caused me to gain a lot of weight. There are times when I was so down I always cry. It is so stressful and the fear of not knowing if will ever happen or if it is even possible was just haunting me. Add to that other different stress life brings and I was a mess on the inside. I was always mad at the smallest things. Thank God I have my family who understands.
Then by December of last year, a really big stress in my life is finally gone. I guess I was stress free that month and happy. I also reached that point when I just prayed to Him leaving everything up to Him since having a baby is beyond my control. I said to my husband, we will do our part then just pray. If it happens then great I’ll be very happy if not then try again. Trying again is much trickier since time is not on our side. But I have my faith. Knowing the odds, I didn’t keep my hopes too high.
Then I got the biggest surprise of my life. It was positive! That is after feeling sick and feverish for about a week .I was actually really scared to test because seeing that single line really broke my heart many times. I really waited for day 35 before I used a home pregnancy kit. I really couldn’t believe my eyes. I immediately went to Asian Hospital for the first pre-natal check up. Talking about being excited. I was only 4 weeks 4 days then.
Still can’t believe I am now pregnant. My husband is happy same with Mommy and my Dad is so cute and being extra caring with me. Haha he is really excited which is something I somehow knew would happen. Why? He is the one who keeps on asking me when I’ll give him a grandchild. Haha I told him, “Daddy, you know it’s not easy! It’s not like I could just go to the mall and pick the one with the most dots!”
Now I am at 8 weeks and boy it’s not been a walk in the park! I have trouble eating as it makes me feel like vomiting so I can’t eat much but also, I am always hungry! I’ve never felt this hungry before! This kind is different, the type that makes worries me. The first week I lost 2 lbs now I guess I lost even more. I really lost a lot of weight. I even wake up at the middle of the night because of severe hunger.
I stopped using lotions. I am extra careful now. I want to use comodynes but I guess that will have to wait until after.
All of these inconveniences are worth it because after a few months I will have a baby! I so wanted to have a baby that I tried to adopt many times before and even went to an orphanage just to cuddle a baby. Now I will have my own. Thank You Lord. I am so happy.
October’s almost over. This means that I’m getting older again and that Christmas is coming. I have a few things in my wish list.
1. Great health and safety of my parents and our whole family. And the whole world.
2. A big residential lot in a quite place but not too far to the city. I prefer to be the one to design the house. Lottery. Jackpot.
3. Own business. Again.
4. An even nicer Bee.
5. Healthy living Mommy and Daddy.
6. A more patient ME.
7. This stove for my wok. And an LPG tank to go with this. (I can imagine all the wok hei love this can make with my beloved wok.
8. A slow cooker. All the experiments. Yay!
9. House Tofu Mix
10. Secret.
I’ve been browsing online for the things girls and women want and wow(!) so many great shoes, bags and dresses out there. There are so many gorgeous prom dresses too that make me want to attend a prom again hehe. Yes memories. After a few decades, all this will just become another memory. I hope to keep on updating this blog so I can go back in time through all the photos.
When reality hurts too much. That’s what I do to cope. I dream of the dream house I always wanted to build for all of us. With a nice fully equipped kitchen for all my cooking and baking experiments, with a large enough backyard where we can have a nice size pool where we can just chill out, a number of large sliding doors and walls so the living room is well ventilated, high ceilings and I also want a two story nipa hut as a guest house, one like my great grandmother had, with log beds in the bedroom and everything is made of bamboo.
How nice it could be if everything just come true in a snap of my finger.
I am in a certain point in my life when I have to think of which direction I should head into. I have always been careful with everything I did in the past but there are things I thought was right that turned out to be wrong. I couldn’t have known about it. But now that I know, I can do something about it. I will be pro-active in my life.
I am actually excited about this. I think I will be good at this new path I am taking. I had a subject back in college about it and I was actually good at it, very good actually. And I truly enjoyed it. I have always been interested in this and to make this my new career would be perfect. It’s not like I can do accounting jobs… That is so not me. I have to be good and more importantly happy with what I will be doing everyday. Innate talent will make this enjoyable for me. My real goal is never having to work a day in my life and that is only possible when I am doing something I love.
I haven’t been able to update for the longest time. Why? Because to say that I had a hard time the last weeks was an understatement. Actually it was hell. Emotionally I was drained.
The thing that I’ve been waiting for half a year and caused me to go through a roller coaster ride of emotions turned out a big disastrous misfit to me. I hate it. There are things that only a man can do, accept it or not. I am not strong enough to do. And that isn’t what I signed up for. Health is still most important for me.
I didn’t want to quit as I am not only thinking about myself here, but of the people I hold dearest to my heart. Given the situation, there’s nothing I can do. I requested for a transfer but denied. Some people can be heartless and close minded. I had no choice but to leave. It was not an easy decision to make, in fact I experienced hell. It didn’t matter that it gave me coverage like North Carolina health insurance would. I had to go on and think of other ways to do. I have to. I can’t be that selfish to only think of myself.
Well in Bee’s case, happy girlfriend equals happy life hehe.
Happy Monthsary Bee. I can’t even count how many months we are together now. Wait, let me count. *Counting* Wow today is our 50th monthsary! 50th! Akalain mo yun?!
Of course this ain’t a relationship made by Disney movies, this is not even close to a fairytale and everyday we try to work with what we have. Reason why it feels amazing and quite unbelievable that we’ve reached this far.
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I’ve always been fascinated by anything like say appliances with scale that is smaller than usual and yet still functions like the regular sized version. We have two small rice cookers, a tiny ironing board, tiny tiny pan. So this house is something I’ve always wanted.
To have an RV. What is an RV? You know, motor homes.
The term recreational vehicle and its abbreviation RV are generally used to refer to a vehicle equipped with living space and amenities found in a home. A recreational vehicle normally includes a kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom and a living room. In other countries the terms caravan or camper van are more common. -Wikipedia
It is so me.
Haha It’s just nice to reminisce…. I love going back to places, memories of when I was young or younger(?). So I’ll make a series of this.
See I still see myself as someone young, is 25 young to you? To some people like some teenagers I believe they find 25 to be of the right age already to do adult things like say getting married. I don’t know. I believe in what my Mother tells me, that only the body gets older, but the mind and heart stays and feels the same. She says she still feels the same like when she just got married and had me. Haha I have a cool Mom.
One of the memories I remembered today was when I was in high school and I felt like I can do anything that older people do. I still had my confidence so high then haha. Like, say go on business. Aside from being a foodie at heart, I am also an entrepreneur. I remember selling sandwiches at school because I felt good that with just a capital of say Php 20, I can make it double or triple. I love that feeling even to this day.
Plus I so wanted to wear their service crew uniform!
Also in high school, I was “invited” to attend a seminar during our summer break. It is where they ask you to sell some beauty and weight-loss products then invite new members. I totally believed I could do it then, they were just so persuasive heheh. Turned out the only item I sold was a chocolate drink that helps you lose weight, and to whom? TO MYSELF! Haha. I can only laugh about it now. Back then I really took it to heart to make that work. I even tried applying in McDonald’s with a friend Robin Agramon and the location of that outlet is just to far. We were that eager to work for the summer. I think the travel distance was 40 minutes. And the sun was so hot I remember. But that was nothing, I didn’t mind that. Again, it’s so cool for Mommy to let me do crazy things back then. What’s nice is after my long tiring day there’s a yummy meal she cooked for me.
Haha life.
P.S. I really need a scanner. I want to post photos from back then.
There comes a point in our lives when we think of the more serious stuff like when we are getting married, I need a house and a car and how do I make these plans come true. To be honest, since I was young (er) I have always thought of these things but on a simpler and smaller scale if we could call it that. Everybody wants to have their own houses and cars, everybody say that when our teacher asked us what we want to have when we are grown ups. Now, when I think about this, I have a plan how to make this happen. I compute our salaries. How much we need to save in a month so in a year’s time we should have saved enough for a small piece of land.
