I’ve always wanted to become pregnant and be a mommy. Since I know that I need to do these kind of things in the perfect time and with the right person, I put a full stop on this dream for years. Fortunately, I reached a point in my life when I am in that place and everything is right for that dream to happen already. I am now married to a wonderful and funny man, and I felt ready for motherhood since last year even before we got married. I am one who do things when it feels right. He asked me to marry him year 2008 but I did not feel like myself is ready for marriage then more so having a baby.

After getting married baby is next but it seemed to be more difficult for me, that’s what my Reproductive Endocrinologist told me. Still it is possible, we just need some help. So I took medications. Wow, it was not easy on me. Those medications made me feel down and low and even caused me to gain a lot of weight. There are times when I was so down I always cry. It is so stressful and the fear of  not knowing if will ever happen or if it is even possible was just haunting me. Add to that other different stress life brings and I was a mess on the inside. I was always mad at the smallest things. Thank God I have my family who understands.

Then by December of last year, a really big stress in my life is finally gone. I guess I was stress free that month and happy. I also reached that point when I just prayed to Him leaving everything up to Him since having a baby is beyond my control. I said to my husband, we will do our part then just pray. If it happens then great I’ll be very happy if not then try again. Trying again is much trickier since time is not on our side. But I have my faith. Knowing the odds, I didn’t keep my hopes too high.

Then I got the biggest surprise of my life. It was positive! That is after feeling sick and feverish for about a week .I was actually really scared to test because seeing that single line really broke my heart many times. I really waited for day 35 before I used a home pregnancy kit. I really couldn’t believe my eyes. I immediately went to Asian Hospital for the first pre-natal check up. Talking about being excited. I was only 4 weeks 4 days then.

Still can’t believe I am now pregnant. My husband is happy same with Mommy and my Dad is so cute and being extra caring with me. Haha he is really excited which is something I somehow knew would happen. Why? He is the one who keeps on asking me when I’ll give him a grandchild. Haha I told him, “Daddy, you know it’s not easy! It’s not like I could just go to the mall and pick the one with the most dots!”

Now I am at 8 weeks and boy it’s not been a walk in the park! I have trouble eating as it makes me feel like vomiting so I can’t eat much but also, I am always hungry! I’ve never felt this hungry before! This kind is different, the type that makes worries me. The first week I lost 2 lbs now I guess I lost even more. I really lost a lot of weight. I even wake up at the middle of the night because of severe hunger.

I stopped using lotions. I am extra careful now. I want to use comodynes but I guess that will have to wait until after.

All of these inconveniences are worth it because after a few months I will have a baby! I so wanted to have a baby that I tried to adopt many times  before and even went to an orphanage just to cuddle a baby. Now I will have my own. Thank You Lord. I am so happy.

It’s been almost 3 weeks now since I started to lessen (again!) my rice intake. I have let myself lose so many times in the past and it happened again these last months if not these last few years. Seeing myself in videos and pictures taken recently in a family gathering, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I became fatter! I became even heavier than before. I again found it so hard to dress up as there are bulges here and there. My cheeks became like those of a chipmunk. It finally hit me and I hope this time it lasts long enough for me to lose all the way if not permanently.

It’s been 18 days now since I gradually reduced my rice intake and I’m happy to say that my body has adjusted to it. I do not crave for rice as much now. But then I’m open to more options how to lose more weight. I don’t need to lose a whole lot of lbs but help won’t hurt. I’m even willing to try HCG diet Austin. Who knows it might be the one I’m looking for I just don’t know it yet.

So the goal is to be thinner than my usual curvy self. I have the remaining months of 2011 to do this. I want to be a whole new me come year 2012. I’m totally crossing my fingers this time… I can do this!!!!

It’s been raining here. A storm passed by and about to leave but a new one is already queuing up to visit us next. It’s great weather for sleeping but if you have to go out of the house and go somewhere then you might come across some flood. Yeah, third world country that’s why.

But then, we must focus our attention to the factors  we can do something about, like our outfits! Different rain gears to ready. I’m thinking fishing clothing with pretty heeled rain boots? So cute!

With flood comes scary rat diseases like leptospirosis that’s in flood water and get get through your skin especially if you have some cuts. I’m crazy paranoid about this things. Please help me where to buy affordable ladies rain boots please?

But please not another typhoon. I don’t think we can all handle that again. Remember Typhoon Milenyo (Xangsane).

This scared the hell out of me.

Red juicy and ripe papaya. Yummm! Sweet pineapples is divine. Yellow ripe Philippine mangoes in heaven on earth. Let’s not forget the ever reliable sweet bananas.

For some reason, I’ve been craving and eating mostly fruits these past weeks. Whenever I’m in Singapore, I let myself indulge in bananas and red papaya. It’s cheap and readily available always. In Philippines, I can almost eat anything, especially pineapples. It’s more affordable back home than in Singapore. Watermelon too. I’m so drooling right now just thinking about those fruits. I’m so glad I’m rediscovering the love I had with fruits, during the time I was so healthy. Oooh I remember during those times, I eat half of a large size whole watermelon, and I can finish a whole piece of pineapple until my tongue get itchy. I guess, I was letting myself indulge in fruits as I was limiting myself to eating only healthy stuff like fruits and veggies and during those times, I still wasn’t used to the idea of eating in moderation.

So an hour ago, I went to the market. Main reason of going there despite the traffic? So I could buy the freshest quality fruits. Pineapples and watermelons in SM are disappointing for me. Not nice and so much more expensive. We really are paying for the convenience there. So I bought two pieces of perfectly ripe and sweet pineapples, I large piece of red papaya, a kilo of the sweetest mango in the world, some plantain bananas (I want them boiled) and some avocados. I didn’t bring a car with me so I was only able to buy those I’m able to carry. I am so happy with the fruits I bought. The pineapple is sooo sweet! I ate a large chunk when I was cutting it up in smaller cuts.

I guess the reason why I’m eating more fruits now is because deep inside me, I know I want to be healthier to prepare and make myself and my body ready for “THE DREAM”. No I’m not talking about Christina Millan’s douche ex-husband. See I have PCOS. So the healthier I am, the sooner I’ll be able to have the dream that I’ve been dreaming about for 16 years now. So because of this, I’m thinking of doing some workout at home to go all out. I’ll look for those workout dvd’s I already forgot where I stashed. To help me with it I’m thinking of a  pre workout supplement that could help me too. Ooh I really need to be serious about this. I need to follow through.

When it’s cold. Did you know that? Oooh that’s why I’ve been having dreams every night and I feel like it’s real thats’ why I feel super exhausted. I hope we can choose what to dream about, to the smallest details and I want to be in womens boots world. Which reminds me that I want this real nice rain boots, so need to save extra.

But then, with dreams or not, I just want to sleep real bad!!!

The past week has been difficult for me. Why? I haven’t had a good quality sleep since! I have mentioned here before how important good quality sleep is to me and now that I’m finding it hard to have again, I’m starting to go crazy!

Aside from this problem, my lower back hurts too. My bed is soft and yet firm, just how I like it so I don’t know why my back hurts. I think it’s because of the sleep itself. I’ve been shallow sleeping and I feel exhausted when I wake up. I don’t know if peacock alley bedding will help but I’m willing to try anything now. I took two pieces of think mattresses and that’s what I’m using tonight. Hopefully I’d feel recharged tomorrow!

Come out just when I need them not to appear!

Two years ago, I was about to start working in Ascott, when more than one pimples suddenly surfaced in my face. There was actually four big ones in my face then. We were having training then, how to apply make-up etc so it was embarrassing when you have a blemished face with gigantic pimples.

Our photo was taken for our employment card/pass, and I have big ones in my nose. I hated that photo I wouldn’t dare look at it or I’ll risk ruining my mood for the rest of the day.

Now that I will have my photo taken again today, I have a big one near the nose. Thank goodness it’s not in the nose itself! But then there are days when I have nowhere to go to and I have perfectly clear skin.

Would someone please suggest popular best acne treatments that has been tried and tested by you?

My hormones are going crazy.

I usually have clear skin they just happen to come out just when I need them not to!

I feel like a zombie right now….. OK, it’s not an emo post hehehhe…

I just didn’t sleep well last night. My sleep is different from other people’s. How to explain this? Hmmmm….

Unlike other people whose sleep just happen naturally, mine is so complicated. Mine has to have effort into it….

Most people, like my Mom, from the moment she lays down in bed, few seconds or minutes and she’s sound asleep, while I have to wait for like 15-30 minutes…

Then the next morning, like this morning, I woke up feeling so tired. Kind of weird right because you’re suppose to feel rested after sleeping. I suffered from this for like two or so years now. Once I woke up feeling tired, it’s just so hard to do anything, so hard to work, hard to focus, my eyes hurt, my back hurts.

This is the reason why sleep is very important to me. Reason why I put in a lot of effort in preparation for sleeping.

I’m conscious not to take even a hint of caffeine, as that would make me have wide open eyes through the night. (The last time, I made Mocha-Chocolate Cupcakes, had one for dessert, I forgot there’s coffee in it, I didn’t sleep even a minute.)

My pillows should be the right tenderness(?). Blanket has to be real smooth or my legs will feel itchy. My bed and mattress, I have to switch from one that’s thick and one that’s thin, to prevent my back from hurting and even worse not being able to sleep at all.

I need silence. No sound at all the better. And black-out curtains. Sound proof windows. I miss my room in Singapore. They have all that, that’s why I sleep very well there. And no tricycle sound.

Opposite of myself. hehehe….

When I was still working in hotels, that was something. See we have midnight shifts. Sometimes, it last a week. I prefer that than a three-four day shift. Not enough time for my biological clock to adjust. It’s so hard when from a midnight shift (2230H-0800H) you have to work PM shift (1330H-2300H). That’s why during those times, I didn’t have a life outside work. I have to have enough sleep for me to perform properly. I can’t do what my colleagues then was doing, go out for a night of partying, usually until 0500H, then head to work at 0700H with no sleep at all. I can’t last a nine and a half work day with no sleep, I’d feel like my head is floating.

If I experience continuous sleep deprivation, I’d feel down and sad, will feel like I’m gaining weight like crazy.

Luckily, a few months ago, when I wanted to donate blood in a blood drive, they checked my blood and found out I was near anemic, so they prescribed some ferrous sulfate. Wow! That was the nicest sleep I had in years! I was so happy hehehhe…..

If it’s my choice, I’d prefer to be the type whom you could throw in anywhere, and after a few seconds will be snoring happy. Like this baby.

I wouldn’t wish this for our neighbor’s nosy maid, it’s just so hard.

Is it too much to ask for a good night sleep?

I believe it’s basic human’s right.

P.S. Pardon me, I have to sleep now, yes at 1210H, my body is begging me to.

When I saw the photos of when we were in Tagaytay, it somehow pinched me.

My cheeks, so chubby! I’m not comfortable with it.

Decided that this time I will do it.

I’ll try to lose some weight. I need to. I need to feel more confident.

I decided to cut my servings of rice. I go all out with rice these past years. When I eat with my family, I eat more than usual.

So I’m trying what worked for me the first and last time I did lost weight successfully, which was around eight to nine years ago…

Limit rice to 2 tbsp to none at all the better. Eat more fish, grilled bangus specifically. The first time I lost 20-30 lbs I started by eating grilled bangus and no rice. Since I wasn’t used to not eating rice then, to feel satisfied I usually eat half or one whole piece of that fish.

My weight went on a limbo since then. Good thing I didn’t go back to being as overweight as before.

4 days and counting…..

Yes four days now. I started Tuesday. I have since grilled a total of 3 big whole pieces of bangus, with salsa in the tummy. I have eaten countless number of eggs. Very little rice. So far I got used to it. I’m not craving for it that much.

Changes.

I’m seeing changes in my body. That’s a good thing about my body. I only need to cut back on rice for one whole day and I’ll notice my body will lose some plumpness heheheh….. So doing it for 4 days now looks so good…

I hope I don’t lose this will I currently have. I need to do this for a change. I don’t need something to distract myself from this…

So far I’m doing good.

Please no jinx for me here heheheh…..

See, 5-6 years ago, I was in the pink of health.

Really! As in I dont eat anything fried then, always either boiled or steamed or baked. Always so conscious with the amount of oil in the food. (Now, fried fish is my best friend.)

Red meat never reaches my mouth. Only meats acceptable are chicken and fish. (Now, I let myself have a bite every month.)

I eat vegetables like crazy. Experimenting to cook different vegetable dishes is my then obsession. I eat ampalaya or bitter gourd with a tbsp of rice. I love munggo (sauteed mung beans) too. (Now, just once in a while, only when my Mom cooks it, or else I dont look for it because Im happy with egg.)

Fruits are my best friend. There’s always pineapple and watermelon at home. These two especially during summer, I eat like crazy. I can eat half of a big watermelon. I can eat a whole pineapple until my tongue starts to itch. (Yes, eating a lot of pineapple gives you that.)

I eat so little rice. In school I’ll order half cup then only eat half. So I eat only 1/4 cup. (Now, I eat equivalent to 2 cups huhuhuh!)

When I need to eat out, my favorite food to order is Delifrance’s Salad with thousand island dressing on the side. (When I eat out, it’s either fried chicken or fried chicken.)  

I dont eat pasta then. If ever, I’d let myself have a couple of bites, that’s it. (Now, I eat a big whole plate regularly.)

I dont eat regular pizza, I eat Delifrance’s Veggie Pizza.

No potatoes, no other starchy vegetables. (My potatoes made a comeback in my diet, I love them that’s why.)

NO sweets. No cookies, no cakes. No ice cream. I cheat with myself by eating B.T.I.C. or frozen yogurt which tastes like the real ice cream. I wonder if they are still available. ( I have these once in awhile or whenever I baked them like the fudgy brownie in the fridge.)

I drank orange juice, extracted from the real thing regularly. (Not anymore.)

Never drink coffee then. I drink low fat milk in the morning.

Never drank any cola drink. (Now, I do drink them again, and the regular sugar laden stuff, huhuhu, I like Mountain Dew.)

I get my daily dose of exercise by walking in La Salle’s campus which is wow! I also always dance then. (No exercise anymore.)

Result? I was glowing! I now look at my photos then and Im like “Wow, my skin was nicer.” I haven’t seen that glowing skin in a long time. I look different, nice way different.

When I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror, I was surprised to see that my pores are so small I can barely seen them. And I’m not bloated at all! My tummy is so flat. Is it because of the veggie salad I had last night? Or the munching of yummy tomatoes in the last two days?

Whatever the reason maybe, Im glad. It somewhat gave me some inspiration to go back to before. Not as much inspiration as before but enough to give me a head start.

I hope I can continue really doing this… Taking this challenge is worth it if its going to bring me back to my healthier state.