Wahhhh! I guess this is the right word to describe how I was and still am feeling these past weeks… I am always hungry! A different kind of hunger I have never felt before. The kind of hunger that scares me as it is painful and it needs to be dealt with ASAP.

Only able to smile a bit after I felt relief from drinking Milo. Wahhh!

Yeah, I am always hungry, but I have a problem; I can’t eat. I feel like vomiting whenever I put food in my mouth. It’s like JBL Subwoofers are banging in throat! So yeah that’s my predicament these past weeks. I’m always hungry as in like every hour but I can’t stomach food. I feel like crying like a baby whenever I feel the hunger coming up and when I’m forcing myself to eat. Ok, to be honest, I’ve cried more than a couple of times already. Out of frustration and hunger. One was gentle crying the other with shoulders rocking.

I don’t recognize myself anymore. I used to LOVE food. Just the thought of food used to excite me. Just looking at food photos made me salivate and when I finally get my hand on that food, 100% of the time I had to stop myself from eating way too much, more than my tummy can handle. Now just the thought of food makes me want to cry. I feel like I’m fighting a battle whenever I’m eating. I also have to drink ice cold drinks to help with the nausea.

Another thing is I can’t cook anymore. I used to love cooking. I took my time sauteing the garlic, onions etc until they sweat fully but now I can’t even stomach just the smell of it. Now my poor husband has to do the cooking that is after his day of work. I feel guilty. Like my mother, one of the ways I show my love is by cooking for them. Now I can’t do that. I truly hope he understands. So far I think he does.

Oh and I have another confession. I used to snob junk food, specially instant noodles. Now they are my life saver. Boiling hot Nissin Seafood noodles cured my mad hunger. I can’t eat healthy home cooked meals. I’m scared to eat just any food before I research if it’s safe or not. I don’t know. I’m desperate. Now I understand just how it feels to starve so bad.

Oh and I lost a lot of weight already. Ahhhhhh! I can’t wait until this phase is over!!!

I’ve always wanted to become pregnant and be a mommy. Since I know that I need to do these kind of things in the perfect time and with the right person, I put a full stop on this dream for years. Fortunately, I reached a point in my life when I am in that place and everything is right for that dream to happen already. I am now married to a wonderful and funny man, and I felt ready for motherhood since last year even before we got married. I am one who do things when it feels right. He asked me to marry him year 2008 but I did not feel like myself is ready for marriage then more so having a baby.

After getting married baby is next but it seemed to be more difficult for me, that’s what my Reproductive Endocrinologist told me. Still it is possible, we just need some help. So I took medications. Wow, it was not easy on me. Those medications made me feel down and low and even caused me to gain a lot of weight. There are times when I was so down I always cry. It is so stressful and the fear of  not knowing if will ever happen or if it is even possible was just haunting me. Add to that other different stress life brings and I was a mess on the inside. I was always mad at the smallest things. Thank God I have my family who understands.

Then by December of last year, a really big stress in my life is finally gone. I guess I was stress free that month and happy. I also reached that point when I just prayed to Him leaving everything up to Him since having a baby is beyond my control. I said to my husband, we will do our part then just pray. If it happens then great I’ll be very happy if not then try again. Trying again is much trickier since time is not on our side. But I have my faith. Knowing the odds, I didn’t keep my hopes too high.

Then I got the biggest surprise of my life. It was positive! That is after feeling sick and feverish for about a week .I was actually really scared to test because seeing that single line really broke my heart many times. I really waited for day 35 before I used a home pregnancy kit. I really couldn’t believe my eyes. I immediately went to Asian Hospital for the first pre-natal check up. Talking about being excited. I was only 4 weeks 4 days then.

Still can’t believe I am now pregnant. My husband is happy same with Mommy and my Dad is so cute and being extra caring with me. Haha he is really excited which is something I somehow knew would happen. Why? He is the one who keeps on asking me when I’ll give him a grandchild. Haha I told him, “Daddy, you know it’s not easy! It’s not like I could just go to the mall and pick the one with the most dots!”

Now I am at 8 weeks and boy it’s not been a walk in the park! I have trouble eating as it makes me feel like vomiting so I can’t eat much but also, I am always hungry! I’ve never felt this hungry before! This kind is different, the type that makes worries me. The first week I lost 2 lbs now I guess I lost even more. I really lost a lot of weight. I even wake up at the middle of the night because of severe hunger.

I stopped using lotions. I am extra careful now. I want to use comodynes but I guess that will have to wait until after.

All of these inconveniences are worth it because after a few months I will have a baby! I so wanted to have a baby that I tried to adopt many times  before and even went to an orphanage just to cuddle a baby. Now I will have my own. Thank You Lord. I am so happy.

Honda Cars Philippines, Inc. Announces Voluntary Recall

February 18, 2011 – Honda Motor Co., Ltd. recently announced a voluntary safety recall of some Honda Fit (Jazz in the Philippines) and City models to replace lost motion springs and retainers with countermeasure parts.

Consequently, Honda Cars Philippines, Inc. (HCPI) would like to inform its customers that a total of 5,468 units of combined 1.5 liter Honda Jazz and 1.5 liter Honda City, distributed from September 2008 to April 2010, are included in the safety measure.

Findings show that the high surface pressure between the lost motion spring retainers and rocker arm slippers results to increased retainer movement that might lead to spring breakage. The broken spring will then come into contact with other moving parts within the cylinder head and this will initially produce noise and in worst case, may cause engine to stall. No crashes or injuries have been reported related to this defect. With the total safety of Honda vehicle users as priority at all times, HCPI is taking this voluntary safety recall to replace lost motion springs and retainer parts of affected units. Jazz and City models with the following frame numbers are included in the voluntary recall:

Letters of notice will be sent to concerned Jazz and City owners starting February 21, 2011. To conduct the voluntary recall in an orderly manner, customers are requested to call their respective dealers or the Honda Hotline at 1-800-1000-Honda (46632) or (02) 857-7240 and visit our website, www.hondaphil.com, for inquiries and details of scheduling. Replacement of affected parts will be carried out in all 28 authorized dealers and 3 service centers nationwide, free of charge.

Owners of Jazz and City models not included in the list above have no reason to worry since the affected parts are of different specifications. Other Honda models such as the Civic, Accord, CR-V, Pilot, Odyssey and HR-V sold and distributed by Honda Cars Philippines, Inc. are likewise not affected.

-Hondaphil.com

Alright. I’m getting stressed with this. Unfortunately, our car, a Honda City 1.5 E is included in the list. Of course, I have no problem with getting the car checked and fixed as it is for us car owners’ safety and our passengers safety as well. BUT. I tried calling their numbers and they were able to give me a date that’s more than a month from the time I called. What if you are out of the country then? Like I will be? So how? And it bothers me every time I drive to know that there’s some fixing that’s needed to be done. I’m such a safety paranoid even before all this came out so can you just imagine the stress I’m going through now?

As stated in their advisory above, there’s some replacing of lost motion springs needed to be done. I’m just glad it’s not something like the brakes that needs to be fixed as soon as possible. So far, our unit has been in perfect condition, running smoothly, engine so quite there’s an instance I forgot the engine is even on and I restarted it (BAD! I know…) and I had no idea there’s some fixing needed if not for the recall.

I’m just saying, the woman receiving the calls could be a little more nicer, sympathetic and flexible with this kind of situation and stop giving false hopes which they can’t follow through. Edit: The woman I talked to was not nice, but the woman Mommy talked to was very accommodating. She didn’t promise anything but that she will try her best to give us a new appointment date as I won’t be here on the later date they gave us. Then this morning, I woke up with messages in my phone saying I have a schedule this Monday! Perfect date! And she did really try. I honestly gave up hope that I could have Matty (the car) fixed before I leave and I don’t know I’ll be back so this new schedule is heaven sent. So thank you Randy or Rendi? Thanks again so much truly appreciate it.

Still I believe that if you love your car and you treat it like a human being, care for it like you would your girlfriend/wife, then it will also be good to you and it will not give you something to frown about. And I’ve been in love with Mattie ever since I first drove him so I know that I could still trust him with keeping us safe on the road.

Yesterday, I headed to the store to buy my face soap. I was shocked that it got more expensive now. Can you believe that it cost Php180 now when it was only Php140 before? Just to have a clean face, it costs me that much! But of course I have to stick to this skin care regimen I’ve been on since I was 16 or else I’d have break outs. No choice!

This got me thinking on a much broader scale, I wonder, how much would it cost for one person to survive and live? I read or heard somewhere that for a simple and low key family to raise one child decently, it would cost them Php 1,000,000 or 1 million. Yes that much.

Ok that made me re-think about my priorities. Being a responsible adult is scary. You think about every little detail, even things that are far ahead in the future. In this aspect, I envy those people who didn’t go to school and married and have kids young. Why? They have a simple life. Happy to just have something to eat. Happy with a Php 1 packet of junk food. They don’t worry about the time when they need to send their kids to school and how they will do it. They sleep so soundly at night while I, don’t have a good night’s sleep for a long time now, since I became an adult, because I worry too much. Now I kinda believe that the less you know, the less you asks questions, and the more you know about life, the more it scares you. Or maybe it’s just me.

Photo: notmine. Can't find the original owner so can't give credit to the owner. But thanks.

Do you guys bet on lotto? We sometimes do. How do you place your bet? This is how I do it.

I pick my numbers then queue. I then look at the monitor(?) for the amount I need to pay. Turn out this is a wrong way.

Yesterday, I placed my bets in Lucky Circle Corporation in SM Bacoor and the monitor said Php 280. So I gave the clerk/teller Php300. She gave me back Php100. I gave it back because I should only receive Php20 change. Then she gave me my correct change and I left. In my mind though, I had doubts why my bets would cost that much. I always have an estimation with how much I’m suppose to pay (like a self imposed limit). So what I did was compute again all the tickets one by one. Turns out the correct total bill is only Php220. So how come I read there it was Php280?

I came back to the teller and told her that my tickets amounted to Php220 only. She asked for my tickets again and computed it. Gave me back my Php60 change. I felt bad. Why? She said nothing. That was her fault and she didn’t said sorry, worse she didn’t even look at least a bit sorry. Or ashamed about it. I told her, “Miss, how come I read there that it was Php280?, then she answered, I must have not deleted the previous thingy(?).” Ok, we’re all humans who makes mistakes I thought. I went on the side to fix my things but I still can’t contain my feelings like there’s some kind of scam there and I’ve been fooled. See I believe that when they look like they’re so used to that situation, that they really are doing that kind of scam. I called her attention (it was a dead hour then, no queue) and told her in my calm voice, “Miss, when you commit a mistake, learn to say sorry.” Again, no reaction or anything from her.

See I have this thing where I try my best to treat everyone nicely. Say please and thank you all the time and make everyone feel appreciated for whatever it is they do. I’m extra careful to not mistakenly make other people feel like I’m belittling them, especially those working SM jobs. For me we are all equal no matter what jobs we have and no matter what our status in life is. I can just imagine how they treat those people regularly filing for payday advance loan, they could be so mean.

BUT.

Rich or poor, our attitude is non-negotiable. There’s just no excuse for bad manners. You are never too rich or too poor to learn how to say sorry, to admit and accept your faults. Plus your mighty superiority complex will just bring you nowhere.

Lesson here is you have to compute your own tickets and don’t depend on their computer which apparently they can manipulate the amount you have to pay. I hate it that I’m so trusting. I guess this just proves there’s nothing wrong with being a little doubtful once in a while.

I’ve heard and read a lot about this hospital. It’s like a baby factory with hundreds and hundreds of babies born here everyday. So I wanted to see it myself.

The hospital is located close to Doroteo Jose LRT station so I went and hoped that I won’t get lost. Walked for a few minutes and I finally found it after I got lost with a wrong turn.

Babies sight welcomed me there! So many! Wherever you look there are babies and women who just gave birth. I just sat there and eventually talked to some mommies. There’s one mommy with a doll like baby daughter in an ergo baby carrier and she said the baby is half german that’s why. So cute!

Next time I’m taking pictures.

Being around babies make me feel alive. I love the feeling.

Yes we are moving again. The third move in two weeks. Hate it. All these trouble are because of people who are suckers for money but only want to have it by fooling people.

I’m waiting for Bee to come home from work and we’ll do the moving again. It’s so hard when you have a lot of things. The good thing is that we are moving somewhere that is closer to work. Just a few MRT stations away. It doesn’t have modern furniture but as long as the landlord is a decent man who keeps his words then we are ok with it. It is unbelievable how hard it is to find someone decent right now.

So good luck to us!

P.S. We are moving to a flat which is only a few minutes walk to MRT, like 5-6 minutes walk only and the best char kway teow (for us with foreign taste buds) is within walking distance! That is the kway teow taste Filipinos love, right Greta dear?

I am in a certain point in my life when I have to think of which direction I should head into. I have always been careful with everything I did in the past but there are things I thought was right that turned out to be wrong. I couldn’t have known about it. But now that I know, I can do something about it. I will be pro-active in my life.

I am actually excited about this. I think I will be good at this new path I am taking. I had a subject back in college about it and I was actually good at it, very good actually. And I truly enjoyed it. I have always been interested in this and to make this my new career would be perfect. It’s not like I can do accounting jobs… That is so not me. I have to be good and more importantly happy with what I will be doing everyday. Innate talent will make this enjoyable for me. My real goal is never having to work a day in my life and that is only possible when I am doing something I love.

This week has been like a nightmare to me. Scared for our dear lives and disappointing turn of events.

Last Sunday, we had to move from one place to another which turned out to be a flat from hell. The experience is like from those horror/thriller/slasher movies.

Imagine a poorly lighted creepy house filled with antiques and rubbish. Smelled weird too. When we moved in we discovered that a wall is not concrete, a 6×4 feet open space has been covered with school paper and the owner used two cabinets to cover it up. What’s bad is that the owner is just sleeping outside the room. What’s even more scary is the hole in the paper where the owners fist went through to reach for the door knob and go in out room anytime. He also had a weird vibe in him. He kept on saying my name with every sentence he says and it seemed like he’s only interested in talking to me and not the same with Bee.

Then came the time when we needed to use the toilet and we were shocked to discover that the toilet bowl doesn’t flush, the lavatory was clogged and the toilet seemed like it’s not been used for a long time. So many things we discovered that night and I knew I can’t stay there a day longer.  I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I was crying. And Bee wasn’t able to sleep either and just kept on guarding.

The next day right straight from work, Bee and I took all out stuff from that place and planned to move somewhere else who backed out last minute. We got in touch with the agent but he wan’t able to help us find a new place in such a short time that’s why we ended up having nowhere to go. It was already 10:30 p.m and Bee was still calling his friends and colleagues for a temporary place to stay in while I keep on searching online for a new place to rent. I was exhausted from the last days move and lack of sleep and the whole day’s work while we were already hungry and have really bad headache. Add in the rain that made moving and carrying all our clothes and stuff even harder. I was close to breaking down. Last minute we were able to find a place.

Next day we had to work and disappointing things started to unravel in front of my eyes. Things I didn’t sign up for I had to do. Just the hardest things. I realized it’s not my fault that I can’t handle those things. I am a woman who has physical limitations. But if I walk away, I will be disappointing the people closest to my heart, same with myself, I will be disappointing myself too. I have worked hard for this thing for half a year and in just two days it was gone. There’s nothing I can do. My health should be my priority.

I was so down, I was at my lowest point this year. Now I have made a decision and I am scared and very sad. The truth is I just want to lay down in bed with my electric blanket and never leave, I was that scared.  But I have to move on no matter how hard it is. That’s how life is.

I just have to look at the only good thing from this experience. I realized that a Mother’s love and understanding is infinite. I love you Mommy and thank you for never stopping to love and support me. Same with Bee. Now I am truly sure that you are the one for me. I don’t think anyone else can give me the understanding, patience and support you showed me these past days.  Thank you to Mommy and Bee for not giving up on me and Daddy too. I breathe and live because of all of you.