Ok late post coming right now. By the way I’m so glad that I can blog now as I feel quite alright as I type and I hope this continues to go on oh please!
So yeah, my husband gave me roses again. Not on Valentine’s Day but on our nth monthsary. Haha we are corny like that, we have monthsaries. There is some story behind this roses though. This is a big deal for me. Why? This is only the second time he have gave me flowers as he is not the type who does so, he’s more into feeding me haha. So the first time was on our 1st monthsary, almost 6 years ago, then now. I truly appreciated this, I even read the internet to know how to make the life of these roses last. It’s the thought really. And I was totally caught by surprise.
Awww! I love you baby… But what I appreciate more is the time we spend together laughing and being crazy like kids. The tickling and wrestling like Hitman I truly cherish. The mornings before you have to leave for work so you’d wake me up by kissing me lots on the cheek and hug me like there’s no tomorrow. I truly hope we stay this way until we’re old and gray. If you want to buy gold jewelry for me I’m open to that too haha! No really, I am contented just having you. How blessed am I.
I’ve always wanted to become pregnant and be a mommy. Since I know that I need to do these kind of things in the perfect time and with the right person, I put a full stop on this dream for years. Fortunately, I reached a point in my life when I am in that place and everything is right for that dream to happen already. I am now married to a wonderful and funny man, and I felt ready for motherhood since last year even before we got married. I am one who do things when it feels right. He asked me to marry him year 2008 but I did not feel like myself is ready for marriage then more so having a baby.
After getting married baby is next but it seemed to be more difficult for me, that’s what my Reproductive Endocrinologist told me. Still it is possible, we just need some help. So I took medications. Wow, it was not easy on me. Those medications made me feel down and low and even caused me to gain a lot of weight. There are times when I was so down I always cry. It is so stressful and the fear of not knowing if will ever happen or if it is even possible was just haunting me. Add to that other different stress life brings and I was a mess on the inside. I was always mad at the smallest things. Thank God I have my family who understands.
Then by December of last year, a really big stress in my life is finally gone. I guess I was stress free that month and happy. I also reached that point when I just prayed to Him leaving everything up to Him since having a baby is beyond my control. I said to my husband, we will do our part then just pray. If it happens then great I’ll be very happy if not then try again. Trying again is much trickier since time is not on our side. But I have my faith. Knowing the odds, I didn’t keep my hopes too high.
Then I got the biggest surprise of my life. It was positive! That is after feeling sick and feverish for about a week .I was actually really scared to test because seeing that single line really broke my heart many times. I really waited for day 35 before I used a home pregnancy kit. I really couldn’t believe my eyes. I immediately went to Asian Hospital for the first pre-natal check up. Talking about being excited. I was only 4 weeks 4 days then.
Still can’t believe I am now pregnant. My husband is happy same with Mommy and my Dad is so cute and being extra caring with me. Haha he is really excited which is something I somehow knew would happen. Why? He is the one who keeps on asking me when I’ll give him a grandchild. Haha I told him, “Daddy, you know it’s not easy! It’s not like I could just go to the mall and pick the one with the most dots!”
Now I am at 8 weeks and boy it’s not been a walk in the park! I have trouble eating as it makes me feel like vomiting so I can’t eat much but also, I am always hungry! I’ve never felt this hungry before! This kind is different, the type that makes worries me. The first week I lost 2 lbs now I guess I lost even more. I really lost a lot of weight. I even wake up at the middle of the night because of severe hunger.
I stopped using lotions. I am extra careful now. I want to use comodynes but I guess that will have to wait until after.
All of these inconveniences are worth it because after a few months I will have a baby! I so wanted to have a baby that I tried to adopt many times before and even went to an orphanage just to cuddle a baby. Now I will have my own. Thank You Lord. I am so happy.
Wow I’ve been very busy these past weeks! From house thingies to government related things. I have also been calling companies asking for quotations and I got curious if they can give me an rv insurance quote. Having an rv is my of my dreams so doing so (asking for a price quotation) doesn’t hurt.
I’ve been really awful with my blog obligations. I am sorry, my bitter shweet corner. Once I have more time in my hands, I promise to update you, slowly but surely. If I have to make photos only entries then that will work. Text stories to follow.
I totally miss you.
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I didn’t know there’s such a thing until I felt like I’m going through it myself. I am in a confused state, I don’t know what to do. Should I go for what could make me happy in the long run or just do what I should do now and continue being miserable doing it?
Right now, I’m still figuring out if I should go back to school to finally change careers or just work in my field now. Something I wish I had is talent in internet related things like say creating something like Facebook that could make me multi-billionaire like Mark Zuckerberg, unfortunately I don’t have it. I so want to have technology jobs that could make me earn well. But since I cannot use what I don’t have then I should improve my talents now which are food related.
What to do? Really?
Of what could possibly happen in the future. I have to admit I’m still not comfortable enough to discuss matters about settling down but I am in my mid-twenties already when the idea should be coming in mind a little more often than before. At least I should be able to entertain it.
For someone who never want to be in an unwanted situation, this is a great practice. Other people’s kid, and not ours. After a few hours or after a whole day (the most) we could RETURN the kid to his real parent and our responsibility ends there. If it’s the real thing, then the responsibility never stops. Once a parent, FOREVER a parent. Right Mommy and Daddy? Love you both!
P.S. I’m not in the picture because I first need to reach for the best diet pills. I look like I just gave birth! Bummer. And starting today, I’m not eating rice as counter measure haha.
This is one of the reasons why I don’t like getting attached to people and animals, you get used to their presence and you long for it. You long for the moments with them. That’s why the moment I first met Kaka the sweet cat I knew I shouldn’t let my guard down and let myself get close to her since we don’t own her. Now I miss everything about her, like when she smells my eyes, nose and lips when I’m really tired, when she act all funny because she got scared of some noise, when she sees us like we are in scary halloween costumes and she runs back and forth and lastly even when she’d make up noise in the middle of the night to wake us up.
I want to see her again but it’s just not possible. There is pain in the heart whenever I remember and miss her. What to do? I know that if Kaka can speak up and choose, she will choose to be with us. And we want to keep her too, she always gave us reasons to smile and laugh.
I need to guard myself much more carefully next time, to never let myself get close to someone who might leave me. That’s one reason why I kept on breaking up with Bee during the first few months of our relationship, but through the years we’ve been together, he somehow showed me he is here to stay. But still I have to admit I still need reassurance everyday to calm my crazy nerves.
When reality hurts too much. That’s what I do to cope. I dream of the dream house I always wanted to build for all of us. With a nice fully equipped kitchen for all my cooking and baking experiments, with a large enough backyard where we can have a nice size pool where we can just chill out, a number of large sliding doors and walls so the living room is well ventilated, high ceilings and I also want a two story nipa hut as a guest house, one like my great grandmother had, with log beds in the bedroom and everything is made of bamboo.
How nice it could be if everything just come true in a snap of my finger.
I haven’t been able to update for the longest time. Why? Because to say that I had a hard time the last weeks was an understatement. Actually it was hell. Emotionally I was drained.
The thing that I’ve been waiting for half a year and caused me to go through a roller coaster ride of emotions turned out a big disastrous misfit to me. I hate it. There are things that only a man can do, accept it or not. I am not strong enough to do. And that isn’t what I signed up for. Health is still most important for me.
I didn’t want to quit as I am not only thinking about myself here, but of the people I hold dearest to my heart. Given the situation, there’s nothing I can do. I requested for a transfer but denied. Some people can be heartless and close minded. I had no choice but to leave. It was not an easy decision to make, in fact I experienced hell. It didn’t matter that it gave me coverage like North Carolina health insurance would. I had to go on and think of other ways to do. I have to. I can’t be that selfish to only think of myself.
I’ve always been fascinated by anything like say appliances with scale that is smaller than usual and yet still functions like the regular sized version. We have two small rice cookers, a tiny ironing board, tiny tiny pan. So this house is something I’ve always wanted.
