This week has been like a nightmare to me. Scared for our dear lives and disappointing turn of events.

Last Sunday, we had to move from one place to another which turned out to be a flat from hell. The experience is like from those horror/thriller/slasher movies.

Imagine a poorly lighted creepy house filled with antiques and rubbish. Smelled weird too. When we moved in we discovered that a wall is not concrete, a 6×4 feet open space has been covered with school paper and the owner used two cabinets to cover it up. What’s bad is that the owner is just sleeping outside the room. What’s even more scary is the hole in the paper where the owners fist went through to reach for the door knob and go in out room anytime. He also had a weird vibe in him. He kept on saying my name with every sentence he says and it seemed like he’s only interested in talking to me and not the same with Bee.

Then came the time when we needed to use the toilet and we were shocked to discover that the toilet bowl doesn’t flush, the lavatory was clogged and the toilet seemed like it’s not been used for a long time. So many things we discovered that night and I knew I can’t stay there a day longer.  I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I was crying. And Bee wasn’t able to sleep either and just kept on guarding.

The next day right straight from work, Bee and I took all out stuff from that place and planned to move somewhere else who backed out last minute. We got in touch with the agent but he wan’t able to help us find a new place in such a short time that’s why we ended up having nowhere to go. It was already 10:30 p.m and Bee was still calling his friends and colleagues for a temporary place to stay in while I keep on searching online for a new place to rent. I was exhausted from the last days move and lack of sleep and the whole day’s work while we were already hungry and have really bad headache. Add in the rain that made moving and carrying all our clothes and stuff even harder. I was close to breaking down. Last minute we were able to find a place.

Next day we had to work and disappointing things started to unravel in front of my eyes. Things I didn’t sign up for I had to do. Just the hardest things. I realized it’s not my fault that I can’t handle those things. I am a woman who has physical limitations. But if I walk away, I will be disappointing the people closest to my heart, same with myself, I will be disappointing myself too. I have worked hard for this thing for half a year and in just two days it was gone. There’s nothing I can do. My health should be my priority.

I was so down, I was at my lowest point this year. Now I have made a decision and I am scared and very sad. The truth is I just want to lay down in bed with my electric blanket and never leave, I was that scared.  But I have to move on no matter how hard it is. That’s how life is.

I just have to look at the only good thing from this experience. I realized that a Mother’s love and understanding is infinite. I love you Mommy and thank you for never stopping to love and support me. Same with Bee. Now I am truly sure that you are the one for me. I don’t think anyone else can give me the understanding, patience and support you showed me these past days.  Thank you to Mommy and Bee for not giving up on me and Daddy too. I breathe and live because of all of you.

It is amazing what great PR work can do to a countries image. They can over hype the good things and make it appear better than it seems and in contrast, they will do a complete news black out to negative things to protect their image.

Perfect example is the country where I am now and our home, Philippines. Unfortunately, Philippines is not good in keeping our image on a positive light. Most westerners only think of Abu Sayyaff  when they hear of the name Philippines and terror comes with it. We have great natural resources like close to paradise beaches that are left unknown by the world. Most westerners and even other Asians think that the Philippines is a scary place.

Let me just put it this way. What you hear about this country Philippines is  what is really happening. Without any cover up, no nothing as PR is not one thing this country has invested on compared to this another Southeast Asian country where image is everything. Even the journalists/media is not allowed to go against the government. But I have to admit, all the cover up and great PR releases did this country good.

Sometimes I hate the hypocrisy but I understand why this is done by them. For the tourism. They have better government. I am so jealous for us and I hate that we have such very negative image in the world especially with the hostage taking situation recently which killed eight Hong Kong citizens.

It’s like two men, one is dressed in parish clothing, the other just let the world to see all it’s scars bruises and everything. In reality, they both have something to hide, it’s just the other knows how to handle himself better by wearing better clothes.

Please no hatred here. That could have happened anywhere. It happened in Canada before. It can happen anywhere. Please no judgment as we do not judge the whole Hong Kong for every Filipino who experience abuse in HK.

I haven’t been able to update for the longest time. Why? Because to say that I had a hard time the last weeks was an understatement. Actually it was hell. Emotionally I was drained.

The thing that I’ve been waiting for half a year and caused me to go through a roller coaster ride of emotions turned out a big disastrous misfit to me. I hate it. There are things that only a man can do, accept it or not. I am not strong enough to do. And that isn’t what I signed up for. Health is still most important for me.

I didn’t want to quit as I am not only thinking about myself here, but of the people I hold dearest to my heart. Given the situation, there’s nothing I can do. I requested for a transfer but denied. Some people can be heartless and close minded. I had no choice but to leave. It was not an easy decision to make, in fact I experienced hell. It didn’t matter that it gave me coverage like North Carolina health insurance would. I had to go on and think of other ways to do. I have to. I can’t be that selfish to only think of myself.