This week has been like a nightmare to me. Scared for our dear lives and disappointing turn of events.
Last Sunday, we had to move from one place to another which turned out to be a flat from hell. The experience is like from those horror/thriller/slasher movies.
Imagine a poorly lighted creepy house filled with antiques and rubbish. Smelled weird too. When we moved in we discovered that a wall is not concrete, a 6×4 feet open space has been covered with school paper and the owner used two cabinets to cover it up. What’s bad is that the owner is just sleeping outside the room. What’s even more scary is the hole in the paper where the owners fist went through to reach for the door knob and go in out room anytime. He also had a weird vibe in him. He kept on saying my name with every sentence he says and it seemed like he’s only interested in talking to me and not the same with Bee.
Then came the time when we needed to use the toilet and we were shocked to discover that the toilet bowl doesn’t flush, the lavatory was clogged and the toilet seemed like it’s not been used for a long time. So many things we discovered that night and I knew I can’t stay there a day longer. I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I was crying. And Bee wasn’t able to sleep either and just kept on guarding.
The next day right straight from work, Bee and I took all out stuff from that place and planned to move somewhere else who backed out last minute. We got in touch with the agent but he wan’t able to help us find a new place in such a short time that’s why we ended up having nowhere to go. It was already 10:30 p.m and Bee was still calling his friends and colleagues for a temporary place to stay in while I keep on searching online for a new place to rent. I was exhausted from the last days move and lack of sleep and the whole day’s work while we were already hungry and have really bad headache. Add in the rain that made moving and carrying all our clothes and stuff even harder. I was close to breaking down. Last minute we were able to find a place.
Next day we had to work and disappointing things started to unravel in front of my eyes. Things I didn’t sign up for I had to do. Just the hardest things. I realized it’s not my fault that I can’t handle those things. I am a woman who has physical limitations. But if I walk away, I will be disappointing the people closest to my heart, same with myself, I will be disappointing myself too. I have worked hard for this thing for half a year and in just two days it was gone. There’s nothing I can do. My health should be my priority.
I was so down, I was at my lowest point this year. Now I have made a decision and I am scared and very sad. The truth is I just want to lay down in bed with my electric blanket and never leave, I was that scared. But I have to move on no matter how hard it is. That’s how life is.
I just have to look at the only good thing from this experience. I realized that a Mother’s love and understanding is infinite. I love you Mommy and thank you for never stopping to love and support me. Same with Bee. Now I am truly sure that you are the one for me. I don’t think anyone else can give me the understanding, patience and support you showed me these past days. Thank you to Mommy and Bee for not giving up on me and Daddy too. I breathe and live because of all of you.