In times when I have a lot of opportunity to think, I end up thinking about things that scare me. Like for example, I realized I’m scared of dying. Getting old gives me a feeling of worry. Time really flies so fast I remember when I was 14 years old like it was yesterday. I remember being 16 and now I’m 25. Years had past, I am getting old but my mind feels the same; I just see things differently now but I know I am still my Mother and Father’s daughter like then.

I wonder when will be the time when science gets to discover or invent a drug that keeps you young forever. I want that. I know about the closest thing in this age is the HGH Supplements (Human Growth Hormones). This helps in growth and cell reproduction. Science is great and with all the things it has done what else it is able do in the near future. I know for sure that I’ll do anything to keep my parents healthy. That is one of things I asks God every night and He might already find me annoying but it is that important to me I can’t sleep without talking to Him.

I wish the time will come when all questions can be answered.

I realized that I should be a little more open with my life here. This is my cyber home so I should share a bit of my life here, not like I didn’t before but here could use some more. See it is not an easy thing for me to do as past experiences taught me to build walls with people. Only few managed to break through that wall and those few I cherish. Now that I want more, I’m willing to open up.

I kept on mentioning here that I used to be so fat when I was 13 to 15 years old. I rarely or never really show those photos to friends, not really very proud of it in fact I am embarrassed I can’t even look at it myself. My classmates used to teach me about how I looked back then and even called me names of celebrities they say I look alike. Back then they called me Juday or Esperanza because Judy Ann Santos and I used to look alike when we were both a little heavier. Teasing really hurt and it never really do anyone good especially to a fat teenager with a very unstable self esteem.

I want to show some photos of my fat self but I need a scanning software to do so. I have some and even I cannot believe that used to be me. I want to buy a 3 in 1 printer that also scans but I’m a bit confused which one to buy. It can get pretty confusing with all that’s available in the market.

Where I live now is far more relaxed. I found some fun and mature friends here. So it wasn’t me who’s at fault for what has happened in the past. Good thing I didn’t put the blame on myself as I know myself. I was just unlucky with the people I met. Now it seems like I’m getting luckier with friends. I love a good laugh in the morning I realized.

P.S. I miss you Daddy and Mommy! (Bee and Bambi din….)