And it only means one thing; that Christmas is getting nearer. Non Filipinos must be thinking I am crazy but the moment 1st September comes, we Filipinos start to feel Christmas and start the countdown. Well I myself is getting excited and I am feeling that warm feeling in my heart (no matter how mushy it may seem) at just the thought of Christmas. I love Christmas season, I love it more than I love my birthday.

Photo: allthingschristmas.com

I can already hear the Christmas carols in my head and I hope I’m not just crazy. Well I listen to Christmas songs the whole year. It gives me comfort just listening to these songs. How I wish it is Christmas season all year round but then I’m sure we will not appreciate it as well if it’s always here. So just savor the moment when it’s getting nearer, like now.

I guess it’s pretty early to start sending and receiving holiday invitations but we have already received some. Nice feeling that there are people who want to share the holidays with you.

Three hours ago as I was walking out of MRT, I headed to Ion Orchard Mall. Went to the second floor and who did I recognize there?  Jinkee Pacquiao! NOT! She turned out to be her twin sister haha. Oh and her sister is really nice too. She told me nicely that she’s not Jinkee and that Jinkee is inside the store (Bebe). I’ve always known that she has a twin sister but I somehow forget the twins sister’s name. (I googled it once I hit home and her name is Janet Jamora.) So I went my way and left as I was shy with all of them. I’ve always known I can’ty be a paparazzi hehehe….

So I was still roaming inside Ion Mall and after like 30 minutes I heard some loud voices. I automatically looked at where the noise was coming from and it was their group again. The sisters were heading in Yves St. Laurent if I remember it correctly. Then the entourage of men came after them with sooo many shopping bags. They used a cart for some of the bags. For ordinary folks like us, that number of shopping bags must be Christmas gifts, she must giving them as presents. But then Jinkee is not like us normal folks no matter how simple she seems to be. I talked to them as they seem nice and told them the sisters headed to YSL with the beautiful wreaths in the door as they were left behind. The group has nice PR I can say.

After I’m done with my appointment in Wheelock, around 2-3 hours had passed then I headed to Wendy’s and to my surprise someone was staring at me there and I realized it was Jinkee Pacquiao. So I smiled at her and told her that a while ago, I bumped into their group in Bebe and how I mistaken her twin sister to be her. She was nice enough to engage in a conversation and she pointed at her twin who was in Orange Julius. She asked me some questions about me too. And her other sister is really nice, she seem so warm to me. Then I said too bad I didn’t bring my camera then, the sister even suggested to use my celfone. Bummer.

It’s really nice to know that some people are not changed by money drastically, that they still have a hold of humility in them, to even talk to simple folks like me. Who am I anyway? A regular poor girl in her 20′s, while she herself is almost like a celebrity with her being married to the best boxer of this generation… And unbelievably rich too. Wow.

Yes we are moving again. The third move in two weeks. Hate it. All these trouble are because of people who are suckers for money but only want to have it by fooling people.

I’m waiting for Bee to come home from work and we’ll do the moving again. It’s so hard when you have a lot of things. The good thing is that we are moving somewhere that is closer to work. Just a few MRT stations away. It doesn’t have modern furniture but as long as the landlord is a decent man who keeps his words then we are ok with it. It is unbelievable how hard it is to find someone decent right now.

So good luck to us!

P.S. We are moving to a flat which is only a few minutes walk to MRT, like 5-6 minutes walk only and the best char kway teow (for us with foreign taste buds) is within walking distance! That is the kway teow taste Filipinos love, right Greta dear?

This is one of the reasons why I don’t like getting attached to people and animals, you get used to their presence and you long for it. You long for the moments with them. That’s why the moment I first met Kaka the sweet cat I knew I shouldn’t let my guard down and let myself get close to her since we don’t own her. Now I miss everything about her, like when she smells my eyes, nose and lips when I’m really tired, when she act all funny because she got scared of some noise, when she sees us like we are in scary halloween costumes and she runs back and forth and lastly even when she’d make up noise in the middle of the night to wake us up.

I want to see her again but it’s just not possible. There is pain in the heart whenever I remember and miss her. What to do? I know that if Kaka can speak up and choose, she will choose to be with us. And we want to keep her too, she always gave us reasons to smile and laugh.

I need to guard myself much more carefully next time, to never let myself get close to someone who might leave me. That’s one reason why I kept on breaking up with Bee during the first few months of our relationship, but through the years we’ve been together, he somehow showed me he is here to stay. But still I have to admit I still need reassurance everyday to calm my crazy nerves.

I saw one in front of my eyes this afternoon when I went to Nassim Road. I was shocked a bit, the sound kept replaying in my head. It’s nothing major major (ehem!) just the side was crushed but I wonder how much it will cost to fix that since Ferrari parts aren’t cheap hehehe. The other car which was a chevrolet must be thinking he could have banged a less expensive car ahahha!

It was surreal really. We always see it in tv but when it happens in front of you live it is a very different experience. No photos no matter how much I wanted to shoot, I felt uneasy to capture other people’s “dark hour”. Oh good thing no one was hurt but it kinda caused a bit of a traffic jam in that area.

When reality hurts too much. That’s what I do to cope. I dream of the dream house I always wanted to build for all of us. With a nice fully equipped kitchen for all my cooking and baking experiments, with a large enough backyard where we can have a nice size pool where we can just chill out, a number of large sliding doors and walls so the living room is well ventilated, high ceilings and I also want a two story nipa hut as a guest house, one like my great grandmother had, with log beds in the bedroom and everything is made of bamboo.

How nice it could be if everything just come true in a snap of my finger.

I love ripe and red tomatoes. I love tofu too. And I have mentioned that I love eggs like crazy. So I combine all these three favorite ingredients and I come up with this.

Saute ripe tomatoes. Add in egg. Once the egg has set, add in the sliced egg tofu. Yummy and healthy. Satisfying. One can cook this for me and it will be like hearing door chimes. So happy. Tsk tsk. I’m so shallow.

I am in a certain point in my life when I have to think of which direction I should head into. I have always been careful with everything I did in the past but there are things I thought was right that turned out to be wrong. I couldn’t have known about it. But now that I know, I can do something about it. I will be pro-active in my life.

I am actually excited about this. I think I will be good at this new path I am taking. I had a subject back in college about it and I was actually good at it, very good actually. And I truly enjoyed it. I have always been interested in this and to make this my new career would be perfect. It’s not like I can do accounting jobs… That is so not me. I have to be good and more importantly happy with what I will be doing everyday. Innate talent will make this enjoyable for me. My real goal is never having to work a day in my life and that is only possible when I am doing something I love.

Last Monday I spent the whole day watching videos about the history of the new company. From the biography of the owner, to how he first acquired the first property and all. Even the organizational chart has been tackled. Somehow I felt uninterested. Maybe I knew from then on that I don’t belong there.

The place just doesn’t have the luxury feel into it even when that is main goal of the place. The luxury feel of hotels I love is just not there. Don’t get me wrong. Everything in that place is top of the line luxurious, nothing less than that. Even the videos from the really nice projector is the best I’ve seen, real crisp videos, probably that thing is on the top of projector reviews. It’s like a giant sized television, those flat screen lcd tv’s, or those nice home theater systems, the high end ones. Gut feel I must say.

I guess it’s just not meant to be. It is what it is. I can’t deny my feelings. I hate pretentiousness. I just can’t stand it.

This week has been like a nightmare to me. Scared for our dear lives and disappointing turn of events.

Last Sunday, we had to move from one place to another which turned out to be a flat from hell. The experience is like from those horror/thriller/slasher movies.

Imagine a poorly lighted creepy house filled with antiques and rubbish. Smelled weird too. When we moved in we discovered that a wall is not concrete, a 6×4 feet open space has been covered with school paper and the owner used two cabinets to cover it up. What’s bad is that the owner is just sleeping outside the room. What’s even more scary is the hole in the paper where the owners fist went through to reach for the door knob and go in out room anytime. He also had a weird vibe in him. He kept on saying my name with every sentence he says and it seemed like he’s only interested in talking to me and not the same with Bee.

Then came the time when we needed to use the toilet and we were shocked to discover that the toilet bowl doesn’t flush, the lavatory was clogged and the toilet seemed like it’s not been used for a long time. So many things we discovered that night and I knew I can’t stay there a day longer.  I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I was crying. And Bee wasn’t able to sleep either and just kept on guarding.

The next day right straight from work, Bee and I took all out stuff from that place and planned to move somewhere else who backed out last minute. We got in touch with the agent but he wan’t able to help us find a new place in such a short time that’s why we ended up having nowhere to go. It was already 10:30 p.m and Bee was still calling his friends and colleagues for a temporary place to stay in while I keep on searching online for a new place to rent. I was exhausted from the last days move and lack of sleep and the whole day’s work while we were already hungry and have really bad headache. Add in the rain that made moving and carrying all our clothes and stuff even harder. I was close to breaking down. Last minute we were able to find a place.

Next day we had to work and disappointing things started to unravel in front of my eyes. Things I didn’t sign up for I had to do. Just the hardest things. I realized it’s not my fault that I can’t handle those things. I am a woman who has physical limitations. But if I walk away, I will be disappointing the people closest to my heart, same with myself, I will be disappointing myself too. I have worked hard for this thing for half a year and in just two days it was gone. There’s nothing I can do. My health should be my priority.

I was so down, I was at my lowest point this year. Now I have made a decision and I am scared and very sad. The truth is I just want to lay down in bed with my electric blanket and never leave, I was that scared.  But I have to move on no matter how hard it is. That’s how life is.

I just have to look at the only good thing from this experience. I realized that a Mother’s love and understanding is infinite. I love you Mommy and thank you for never stopping to love and support me. Same with Bee. Now I am truly sure that you are the one for me. I don’t think anyone else can give me the understanding, patience and support you showed me these past days.  Thank you to Mommy and Bee for not giving up on me and Daddy too. I breathe and live because of all of you.